top of page

What Works Best - Mentoring, Coaching, or Therapy

Something you may not know about me is that I volunteer as a relationship mentor around 300 times a year. Although I am a life & health coach, sometimes, mentoring is what is needed. The Oxford dictionary defines mentoring as “the act or process of helping and giving advice”. Mentoring involves offering direct advice, whereas coaching involves asking a series of structured, open-ended questions to allow the client to come to their own conclusions. We then, as a coach, support their conclusions by creating goals, an action plan and holding them accountable. With mentoring, there is no developing a future vision, planning or accountability.

To illustrate mentoring, here is a story about a woman that felt her husband was being cruel, constantly insults her and emotionally drags her down. She mentioned it didn’t feel like love and was wondering if she should stay in the relationship? When I offer advice as a mentor, there is always a risk that I may not have a strong, empathic connection like I do when coaching. As a coach, we spend time building rapport and move towards a deep understanding of what each unique client is living through. Nevertheless, as a mentor, offer the best advice that intuitively comes to me with the limited information available.

Mentoring Response: “Why would you want to stay in the relationship if your husband is being cruel, constantly insults you and drags you down? Of course, there are times when someone close to you can influence you to be better by showing you deficits that you do not see or understand. HOWEVER, this doesn't sound that way to me. I've been to over 620 weddings and have heard the words spoken, "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love keeps no record of wrongs…". It's one thing to influence your partner, to up their game when they are out of line, but it never involves insults. Criticism is never helpful, yet guidance is needed. The difference is intention. Are you pulling someone up with your information or making them feel 'less than'. I'm sorry you feel this way and I hope that you can come to a place in your mind that you can say, "Stop. No. This conversation is destructive. If you choose to have a conversation with me, and you are hoping for change, begin with yourself and your actions and words when in my presence." Something like that but obviously in your own words. It is 100% true that everyone has faults and imperfections and different expectations. You do and he does. Start there by reminding him that you are both equally imperfect human beings. And that if he would like to continue a relationship with you, it needs to be based on love, not fear, criticism or resentment. It needs to be a partnership, where both people are kind, loving and concerned for the other person as much as they are concerned with themselves. Growing to love our imperfections and watching us grow and work through them. There is never, never a place in a marriage for cruelty, even during the end of marriage. Sadness and grief perhaps if the relationship ends, but there is never a place for cruelty.”

With this person, my response was developed through empathy and unconditional love for this person. I imagined her as my sister or my daughter. Fortunately, she felt me like I felt her and responded back saying, ‘This is phenomenal advice’.

I welcome your opinions or thoughts of how you view mentoring, versus coaching, versus therapy? If you or someone you know needs a mentor or a coach, let’s chat. Send me a DM to get started.

About the Author: Johnny Lascha is a certified life coach, certified health coach and a mental fitness coach. He has coached over 650 hours, mentored over 1000 hours and published Overcoming Overwhelm: A Nurse’s Guide to Joy & Balance. He writes empowerment articles for 2 magazines and has a 5-star Googe rating. For a complimentary 30-minute discovery session, use this link to choose a date and time.

6 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Moms’ Romantic Reconnection Part 2

Welcome, moms who have been tirelessly juggling the roles of caregiver, chauffeur, homemaker, and perhaps holding down a full-time job. It's easy to lose sight of yourself amidst the chaos of family l


Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page